Monday, November 5, 2012


So I've written 64 blog posts. I feel sorry for anyone who has tried to grasp my basic beliefs by wading through all those words. All the posts mean something to me but it's hard to extract the "root juices" from that much writing. So here are the 8 basic tenets boiled down: 1. There is no God above us. We are all Gods. There is no one greater than us and our human potential. 2. We are not born sinners. There was no fall from grace, no original sin. If you tell a child who can barely talk the bible story about us being born sinners, there is no choice but for him to become one. 3. You are born perfect down to every single hair on your head. You’re just taught the opposite so you see every flaw, and reveal them to others. You have been taught to be your worst critic. 4. There is no heaven or hell after death. Heaven is going to come in present day, here on earth. And soon. And WE ALL get to go, no exceptions. Heaven can only come when religion dies, and we rise above from the ashes. 5. Those who have died before us are all back here with us in spirit. A sunset, the way the wind smells, the way the sky looks, all parts of the one spirit of love and they are all trying to propel us to heaven on earth because when we finally find it all the departed get to go too. 6. "Then through the glass darkly, now face to face." The AHA moment is when you look in the mirror at God and it’s you looking back. You are the God. God, if you want to conjure him, cannot wait for us to make that realization. He cannot wait for the veil to be lifted and for us to come home to ourselves. 7. Self love is the first love. Loving others above self has it backwards. Pride and ego are not bad things. We are taught to be ashamed to love ourselves. 8. All of religion is about submitting and obeying. Even look at praying, it’s always head down, eyes closed. It wants to keep us blind and fearful and small. Submission is a chain. Why would we have all this suffering if religion was right? It’s had thousands of years to get it right, and it’s just getting wronger. Does anyone know the name for this philosophy? I've tried to identify anyone over the millenia who believes like I do, and in much research have found no match. A little Transcendentalism, a little Pantheism, a little Jah, a little Atheism, a little Dan Brownism... Thanks for reading and may you always know your exponential potential.

Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Dark gray matter

Just finished reading Newsweek's cover article on the Multiverse. Pretty exciting math and physics discussion to think we are just one in a billion or more universes. As Nathan explained it to me, it's the theory that there are so many universes out there that there is one exactly like ours in every aspect except our yellow lab retriever is black instead. And then another where she's brown etc.etc.etc. Anyway, I talk in this blog about us heading toward a time where math, or science, and religion become one. Used to be back in Aristotle's day that religion and science were twin pursuits with a lot more in common, and that characterization makes sense if we can step back a bit to consider it. Theology literally means "God-science" in the Latin. It's such a shame, a crying shame, that the two disciplines are at each others throats these days. Did this divergence start in the Age of Enlightenment, or perhaps as long ago as on the cross? What I really liked about the Newsweek article was it's description of dark matter, or dark energy. It's been very hard to define dark energy in scientific formulas, but it's out there for sure and it's what binds the infinite universes together (or more aptly keeps all matter in suspension so we don't collapse in on each other black hole style). The author describes it as "not clumps of matter but an invisible energy, sort of like an invisible mist that's uniformly spread through space." Right on....a scientific way to describe my own theory. I've always thought there is a network out there, a web of circuitry that links us all. Theologians would call it the Spirit I think. That's how I was raised to understand it. But that's not right, since I don't believe in the Monotheistic God. In early blog posts I have called it a love network, but it's more than that. It's your sixth sense, and deja vu, and fate and chance and the hairs on the back of your neck standing up and the phone ringing and you know who's calling before you pick up. It's magic and ghosts and prescient dreams and feeling a swell of communal pride when you stand for the National Anthem. It's the untapped love we all have in us that is waiting to vibrate like a tuning fork when it's name is called. It's not just love but also knowledge. It's all the knowledge we have ever had and ever will have, and we are heading for a time when we will all have infinite knowledge like a shared brain, not because we learn it but just because the wiring gets turned on. The light switch will get flipped. It's a singularity of thought and feeling and discourse that will end all wars and cure all disease and quell all hate and flood all the dark fissures with light. To break it down, it's like Clark Griswold turning the lights on in Christmas Vacation. The dark gray matter is already there, in our internal brains and in our external consciousness, without and within, just waiting for the wire to go hot. It will be radiant. Who flips the switch and electrifies this stellar goo? I do, when I can articulate the end of religion (as we know it) and what comes next. My struggle is simply articulating the vision.

Thursday, May 10, 2012

A win-win!

I am a Social Security Disability attorney. I work to get deserving people their benefits. Some clients are deserving and some are not and my job is to weed through them and work for those who truly cannot work. Many of my patients are bipolar. I naturally empathize with them and have a soft spot for their myriad problems: psychotic breaks, involuntary commitment to psych hospitals, hallucinations, deep depression, cutting, panic attacks, running around naked through name it. Today I won another bipolar case for the dearest and most deserving of clients. His mother sobbed in relief, knowing he would have some modicum of assistance when she passes on. For so many clients SSD benefits just mean they can get on Medicaid and get health insurance and medications. For others it means they can buy diapers for a child. Needless to say today was a glorious day when I feel proud of my profession and lucky that I have found somewhere to do good while living with a mental illness. Have a wonderful Mother's Day weekend and take care of each other. Hil

Monday, January 23, 2012

Whatever works for you

Just had a terrific 36th birthday and am feeling inspired after thinking on this blog post for about a week. It's yet another turn in my walk away from God, but it ironically brings me right back to him.

Here's what I envision. When you die, you face something conclusive. It's the end for sure, but there will be some answers for you when you get there. I see something or someone at the end of your life....

some will call that something God. I think it may instead be a confluence of energy, or it could be a computer (I haven't ruled out the theory that computers created our world a billion years ago and just have us on autopilot), or it could be your mom or grandma, or it could be Darth Vader or it could be a sunset in paradise. Or it could be God.

But something will be there to receive you. And here's what IT will say. Either:

A) "You had a great life and you loved a lot of people and lived well and died satisfied. You chose to believe in God, so you know what, God exists! If that is the premise that got you through each day then Goddamnitall, you're RIGHT and you were right all along and congrats on sticking to your faith."


B) "You had a great life and you loved a lot and lived well and made a difference and died satisfied. You chose not to believe in God; you figured out that HE did not exist anymore than the Easter Bunny. And you know what? You're RIGHT! There is no God but you. You're the God, you're the greatest most powerful lovely smart creation that ever was and there is not a "God" as the religions have presupposed. You figured out the riddle and are so much stronger and happier for it, and congrats on sticking to your faith."

I really like this idea of two scenarios, one for the religious and one for the non-religious. That whatever melts your butter and brings love and light to your life is the TRUTH. You think it, so it is. Both premises can exist at the same time. No more need for wars of conversion, either way.

It's the most basic form of "self-soothing" that all the baby books talk about. 1) "I know there's a God and he loves me and will take care of me and I will glorify him. That brings me peace in the dark night." Or, 2) "I know there is no God or Heaven or Hell and that conclusion makes me happy and makes inherent sense to me and brings me closer to the flesh and blood people that light up my life. That brings me peace in the dark night."

Is this as clear and real and comforting a philosophy to anyone else as it is to me? What it means is we don't have to fight anymore. God, or No God, is about what you believe. "I believe I am right about this eternal question" we all say, and every single one of us is.

Disclaimer: Although I like this philosophy I still really think there is no monotheistic God.

I think the force out there that's greater than us is not God, but an electric network of Love, shining forth between and among us and setting sparks off when love is bounced back to you. When we die, we look at the power source of that great love network and it's like looking in a mirror. You're not looking at God, you're looking at you.

Well, whatever. This blog theory brings me peace, and it may or may not be right. It'll sure be nice to find out the answer after all is said and done. 'Cause I do like to be right!!:)

Love, as ever

God, to have these guys in a room together again....