The Girl in the Mirror

I’m on the recovery road from a recent brief manic episode.  Resulted from lack of sleep due to kids waking up a lot, and change of seasons, and a few other things.  Back in business though!

This weekend, though, I had a really great conversation with a good friend.  We talked about my philosophy about us being the Gods, and heaven coming when religion as we know it is over.  She is a Christian but bless her heart, she had the patience and caring to listen to my perspective.  She really asked a lot of questions, which is all I long for.  A chance to be heard. 

So I had too much wine that night and was a little emotional.  I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and found myself tearing up when I looked in the mirror.  I just looked at myself and said plaintively, “Please, please let me know there is a reason for all of this.  Please let me know there is a point for all I have done….the hard work on the book, putting myself and my revolutionary ideas on the line, risking my family’s reputation, risking (and experiencing) rejection, going through the emotions of becoming public with my illness.”  “Please someone or something out there show me a sign that it’s worth it, and my vision will someday come to pass.”  In the old days you I would have prayed to God, but that night I just put my faith and energy directly into my own soul while I looked at myself in the mirror.  We, the Gods.  “Then through a glass darkly, now face to face.”

Well, yesterday, my mother-in-law told me her friend, who is Southern Baptist, had read my book, straight through.  I was worried about what he would say.  She said his quote was “You know, she had some interesting and different ideas.  It made me think about things differently.  The truth may not be what we think.”  She told him she really believed I had seen something special when I walked in Heaven.  They had a good discussion.

Well, hot damn!  That was the answer to my supplication.  My effort is worthwhile.  If 99 Baptists say I am blasphemous but 1 says it made him think differently, I have achieved my goal.  It made my heart sing. 

I’m not in it to make money.  I’m in it to get people to think and question and consider some other answers to life’s questions.  I’m in it to report on just what I saw, as clear as I can.  And when I asked for help in the mirror from a greater power, it responded.  The girl in the mirror: My God, By God.